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Let's give an honorary PhD to the person who put the second of these signs next to the first!

  Not too far from the location of the signs shown above are several branches of a funeral home company: 

The photograph was kindly submitted to Drive and Stay Alive, Inc. by Tom Keiffer, who says :

"It shows the question a less-than-careful driver may be asking..."

(Everyone locally jokes about the "Am I Gone?" funeral home but for the record it is pronounced "Am-ee-go-nee")

Simply scroll down the page for humorous articles, or use these links:

Bumper Stickers and What They REALLY Tell You!

April 7, 2005

     Car stickers are automotive tattoos that can give an insight into their owner's personality claims the RAC Foundation.

Last year, millions of UK drivers bought bumper or car window stickers - a motoring trend fashionable in the 70's and now undergoing a resurgence thanks to its popularity on the other side of the Atlantic.      But some stickers are such a statement they can be a road safety hazard, cost the owner up to £1000 in fines, damage the car's re-sale value, possibly put the driver at risk of aggressive behaviour and make his vehicle a target for vandalism.

     "The car sticker is a badge of belonging," said Edmund King, executive director of the RAC Foundation, " It clearly distinguishes the tribe with which its owner identifies.  Drivers who personalise their cars with stickers are giving away much more about their character than they think."

     What tribe do you belong to? The Foundation has classified the ten lost tribes of the road....

Read this very funny (but occasionally serious) article, here.

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(from Ananova)

     A German woman walked 60 miles home from a motorway service station after thinking her husband had driven off without her.

     However, the woman had merely failed to spot the family's car in the car park.

     Police were alerted by the woman's husband after she failed to return to the car. She was exhausted by the time she arrived home to the central German city of Luedenscheid 15 hours later.

     She admitted she'd been angry after thinking her husband had left her at the service station.

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Story from a Canadian courtroom

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then, officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do."

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line.

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February 4, 2004:   An accident victim thrown 15 feet through the air when a car overturned in a motorway smash is swimming again as normal.

     Bercy, a four-year-old goldfish, flew out of a fish tank and was hurled clear of the vehicle following the accident on the M1 in Leicestershire, England.

     Police who arrived at the scene found the car sodden with water and littered in coloured gravel - prompting a hunt for the missing pet.

     As paramedics treated owner Sophia Underhill, 23, for neck and arm injuries, officers combed the northbound carriageway, close to Lutterworth.

     Officers who were sweeping up glass from the carriageway, found a small goldfish in the middle of lane three, about 15 feet from where the car had landed and though they assumed that the fish could not have survived the impact and 15 minutes spent out of his tank, the officers took the pet to an ambulance crew.

     "In a last attempt to revive him, an officer took Bercy to the paramedics who provided a cardboard tray and some water," said a police spokeswoman.

     "Amazingly, Bercy started to swim around as soon as he was put in the water."

     Police have contacted Miss Underhill and Bercy, who suffered minor cuts, since the accident on Sunday and confirmed that both victims are fully recovered!

[DSA Editor's comment:  My fingers are itching to write some witticism about "the scales of justice" but I'll refrain. This delightfully light-hearted tale comes from the Ananova website.]

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     I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough to make him hang his arm out his window and 'flip the woman off'.
     "Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.
     I **always** smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why: I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day, and of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.
     Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an eight-lane highway. There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
     Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number cars that I pass every day to something like 36,000.
     Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers! In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642. According to Cosmopolitan, 70% of women describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449. According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.
     According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and this number is increasing.
     That means that every single day, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.
     Flip one off? ..... I think not!

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The Speeding Ticket

A man is standing in front of the judge after trying to get out of his speeding ticket. The judge finds him guilty, fines him $50 and hands him a receipt.

The motorist, a bit upset by now, sarcastically asks "What am I supposed to do with this, frame it?"

"No," replied the judge. "Keep it. Two more and you can get a bicycle."

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Older Drivers

Two elderly ladies were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stop light was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another inter-section and the light was red again, and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and they went right through. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have got us killed!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh hell, am I driving...?"

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